The 2022 World Cup team nickname rankings
An entirely subjective look at one of the tournament's least pressing issues
We have reached the knockout stage of the 2022 World Cup, so what better time to rank the 32 teams. But not with statistics or opinion on how well they’ve played, instead with a much purer metric – ranking them on the quality of their team nicknames.
First, ‘the science bit’/disclaimer:
The ranking is based on the English translation of every team’s nickname – I’m sure therefore that due to translation many of the nicknames are more/less evocative in their own languages
All nicknames taken from the excellent “List of national association football teams by nickname” Wikipedia page
Where multiple nicknames were listed I have where possible to tried to pick the more interesting one, unless I was aware of the more boring one being widely used e.g. Brazil’s ‘The Selection’ (Seleção) gets the nod over the infinitely more interesting ‘The Little Canary’ (Canarinho)
With that out of the way, on to the rankings:
32. Switzerland - The National Team
31. Germany - The Team
30. Brazil - The Selection
Not much to say about these three variations on a dull theme, Switzerland’s narrowly last for being more of a literal description than a nickname. Brazil beating Germany thanks to their version being a little more esoteric.
29. Canada - The Reds
28. France - The Blues
27. Qatar - The Maroons
26. Netherlands - The Orange
25. Uruguay - The Sky Blue
24. Poland - The White and Reds
23. Argentina - The White and Sky-Blue
21= Ecuador - The Tricolour
21= Mexico - The Tricolour
We’re into the colours now, which let’s face it lack much imagination. Here I have used the flawed reasoning that more colours = more interesting, while teams score more highly the more exotic the colour. Canada are narrowly behind France because ‘The Reds’ is particularly uninspired when ‘The Maple Leafs’ or ‘The Mighty Moose’ were right there.
20. Portugal - Team of the Five
Should Portugal belong in the first group? Perhaps. But, and quite possibly only in translation, there is an element of mystery to their effort which sees them place much higher.
19. United States - The Stars & Stripes
18. Ghana - Black Stars
I’m not sure anyone really calls them ‘The Stars and Stripes’ which is why they’re behind Ghana but I opted to judge them on that as the other option ‘USMNT’ is an acronym not a nickname.
17. Serbia - White Eagles
Loses big points on account of sounding like the name of a white nationalist organisation. Particularly unfortunate although probably not exactly coincidental given Serbian football’s racism problems in the past.
16. Belgium - The Red Devils
15. England - The Three Lions
14. Wales - The Dragons
Superficially it seems like these three should place higher but somehow they’re just lacking that certain something. Perhaps overexposure and familiarity has damaged England’s chances more than anything. Although they also suffer along with Wales from the sense that just calling yourself what’s on your badge/flag is maybe a bit dull. Red Devils meanwhile seems both a little trying too hard to be cool and a bit basic.
13. Croatia - The Fiery Ones
12. Japan - Samurai Blue
11. Spain - The Red Fury
There’s something quite endearing about how clunkily Croatia’s nickname translates, although it does have a slight air of ‘flavour of knock-off Doritos’ to it. Meanwhile Japan and Spain show what heights can be achieved with just a simple embellishment to a colour.
The top ten
10. Denmark - The Danish Dynamite
While some uncertainty as to whether this only really refers to the Denmark teams of the 1980s prevents them from placing any higher, we’re undeniably into the good stuff now.
9. South Korea - The Taegeuk Warriors
Sounds more exciting in English than it probably actually is, Taegeuk is simply the name of the symbol at the centre of the South Korean flag.
8. Saudi Arabia - The Green Falcons
The combination of bird of prey and national team colour is always a good one, extra points for it being a non-eagle bird of prey which adds a little flair.
7. Morocco - The Atlas Lions
6. Senegal - The Lions of Teranga
5. Iran - Cheetahs of Asia
Big cat + something is clearly a winning formula and it was tough to separate these three. The Atlas Lions are unlucky to lose the battle of the lions here, but the discovery that Teranga is a Wolof word meaning hospitality – essentially making them the ‘Lions of hospitality’ – which is an image too good not to give them the edge. Iran just beat out both teams thanks to cheetahs being much rarer in team nicknames and for alerting me to the existence of the Asiatic cheetah which I had never previously heard of.
4. Costa Rica - The Champion Killers
Just a delightfully punchy thing to call yourself. Earned as the most successful national team in the course of Central American football history, but proving particularly apt in the 2014 World Cup where they beat former winners Italy and Uruguay.
3. Cameroon - Indomitable Lions
Wins the battle of the lions thanks to its pairing with such a good adjective. Deserved top 3.
2. Australia - Socceroos
On a different day could very easily have been number one. From a country with a rich history of good sports team nicknames this is one of their best. Just an absolutely perfect portmanteau.
1. Tunisia - Eagles of Carthage
In the same group as Australia and Denmark in the actual World Cup – the tournament’s nickname group of death – they make up for their group stage elimination by topping the rankings here. The addition of Carthage – which lay in modern day Tunisia – to the always popular bird of prey element, proving too irresistible. Worthy champions.